Thank god I'll be done with these (RED ALERT, IT'S RAMBLING NONSENSE)

Okay, so I'm joking for the most part, but seriously, now I have one less thing to have to do instead of 100% dedication to cramming.

I've never actually struggled with trying to write a blog post, but I'm really freaking out over this one. See, in high school before IB I was never worried about anything at all, I was really laid back and I don't think I cared about anything. All I cared about was fighting. While that's actually a hilarious statement, it's true, I would spend at least 24 hours a week training at the dojo for tournaments. I also cared about my brother and the special olympics athletes I coached. That was the span of it though, and my interests. I was good at art, but I didn't care about it, I was just naturally good at a lot of things. I changed a lot in high school though. There are issues I'm aware of now, I actually cared about learning and educating myself and improving at things other than, you know, throwing punches. I know who I am now, something I certainly never was aware of. Honestly, this is just going to seem like a late night rant, which it is, but I just think it's a little amusing knowing that four years ago when I got up in the morning I was thinking about training and now that's the very last thing on my mind.

When I was in elementary school I was certain I wouldn't make it very far. Having learning disabilities made me feel like a failure. I worked extremely hard with studying in order to comprehend things and frequently went to the doctors so that they could figure out what was "wrong" with me. Probably quite a few things, but point is, suddenly stuff started to click. Middle school was easy, and contributed to me not really taking school seriously until junior year since I could slide by with A's but IB was different. There was work and not caring couldn't cut it. You had to care. And holy shit do I care now. Junior year was also when I got extremely invested in the clubs I had been a member in, junior year was the first year I felt stupid but not like a failure. It was challenging and while fighting depression once again I started to think I wasn't going to make it to where I am today.

At this point there are so many things I care about. I care about my art, where I'm going, who I am, my friends (boy do I care about y'all way too much what the heck guys), learning, improving myself, proving myself, and I care about tomorrow.I always cared about people but not like I do now, I didn't care about what people I didn't know were experiencing, only those close to home. Now I can actually see the kind of impact every single individual has on each other and how much it really matters. I don't know what it was that kicked me in the face and opened my eyes but it was around the time I joined IB so maybe it contributed..

 When I read this blog post I started having a panic attack. Thinking about my past is weird, the memories are jumbled and hazy and it makes me feel overwhelmingly sick. I hate who I was, but I'm just really excited to see who I am. Even if it's nothing extremely amazing or significant I want to live my life, see what kind of shitstorm I can cause, you know? Now I feel a lot of adrenaline, its almost 11 PM and I want to go start a fire then save everyone and put it out, check me out on WRAL, kids.

Okay but really I'm gonna go sleep, goodnight Obama and goodnight America.

window win a win window win win window win a window

Okay so please watch this video, it's complete irrelevant but I can't stop thinking about it. Honestly it's ruining my life, how am I supposed to write this blog post???
ACTUALLY IT IS KIND OF RELEVANT, LIKE WHITMAN, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HER.
I'll start reading Whitman's notebook now.

 Disclaimer: I'm dyslexic, so reading handwriting is already a struggle for me.
Wow I can't read at ALL. This is incredibly frustrating for me.
At first I see some names, and I can't tell if those are dates or maybe addresses, so I'm going to guess both. It seems like Whitman finds significance in having these written down, although if they were really important to him you'd think he'd try to make them more legible. I believe below that it says brochure followed by "two characters," who I assume he is defining. There are stamp marks throughout. And I have no idea what this means or what I'm supposed to be doing with this information. "Lessons for a President's elect," soooo he's teaching presidents maybe, with his story notes. Neato. Yeah, honestly I'm getting a headache, I don't know how any of this is significant. This is what I imagine trying to write while under various influences would look like. It's scattered and disoriented in my opinion, like me trying to take notes in physics when Hartman goes on a verbal tangent. It's vague and a mess, in other words.

NOW THESE DRAWINGS, I am down for these drawings. Okay so, going on a whim, the one with the hat is President Elect, and hatless old guy is him. This is depicting their conversation, and wow I think if you had a head that big with a body that small you'd have to drag you head while you walk. Unless they are the same person and he put on a hat? I guess this would make more sense since they are both facing the same direction, they don't look like they are talking or looking at each other that's for sure.
The only other thing I can decipher is that there is a poem at the bottom that says something like "the last war" and a badass drawing of a skeleton ghost wearing a cloud with like.. Cat ears on top or something, getting stabbed through the massive heart. (This supports my under the influence theory, just putting that out there)

Looking at the translations I see he puts a lot of effort describing people and his caricatures support these depictions for the most part. And if I go back and look further at "The last war" line then at that drawing with the skull, (ignoring that the translation suggested it was an allegory) I absolutely see them as related. I think this is super significant in how he felt everything was going to play out: this would be the last war, and the United States was gonna be gone, or something of the sort.

Okay I have a headache, and I'm gonna stop now to laugh more at that Iggy Azalea rap translation.

Sometimes I sleep so hard that when I wake up my face hurts.

Also I can never remember my dreams, which is very frustrating for me because everyone else gets to talk about their cool dreams but I'm just over here like the closest thing to dreaming I've had this past year is the occasional episode of sleep paralysis.

Anyways, I should probably get on task and write up this blog post about the American Dream.

The heck is the American Dream?
I would describe the American Dream as this outdated idea that in the United States all citizens can work to get a nice house with a yard, pursue the nuclear family dynamic, and overall be prosperous and successful. So if you work hard, you can get yourself a wife/husband and have tons of kids that you'll be able to support financially all while paying for your sweet house and other necessities. In the end you'll be pretty well off and can definitely splurge on some material goods or upgrading your appliances. In reality this outlook is super optimistic and probably can only be reached by white rich or upper middle class individuals. Not to mention the ideal family dynamic is exclusively for heterosexual couples even at this day in age.
If I could describe my American Dream is that by some miracle I'll be able to pay off my college debt before I'm middle aged.. That'd be sweet.. Oh and also not become homeless at any point, that's extra sweet.

Oh my god this is the first picture that comes up when you Google search "American family." I'm going to cry over this forever probably..

THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE AMERICAN DREAM. BLONDE HAIR, BLUE EYES, COWBOY HATS, HORRIBLE FASHION CHOICES, SOME TREES, ROSE COLORED CHEEKS, AND STACKS OF CASH. That kid's shirt is even red white and blue, see, this is it. This is the dream..

What is my definition of wealth?

I'm going to go the monetary route with this first off. I think a wealthy person is somebody who, first off, isn't in debt. If they have more money in their bank than they owe, that's really sweet and I wish they would adopt me. I guess I can look at other ways to define wealth though, such as personal satisfaction: that could be considered wealth. If you feel good, and are okay with where you are in life, you probably have some sort of wealth. 

What is America's ideas towards wealth and poverty?

SCREAMS SOMETHING ABOUT CAPITALISM. (As much as I want to sound like one of those crazy people that's like "down with capitalism" I'll spare you) 

Everyone wants to be wealthy, as a kid it is driven into you that if you work hard you will get wealthy. Some of America doesn't seem to get, however,  that there is more to getting wealthy than just hard work. I've heard people say "well they wouldn't be homeless if they got a job," which is the most naive thing you could say about people who are poverty stricken. Those who are wealthy can just say that "get a job," but if you are homeless and you have one outfit that you've worn for, as it's smell would tell you, way too long, chances are you are going to have a hard time getting near a job interview. When you look at the statistics for homeless people, many of them are veterans, mentally ill, people of color, or queer- society has even more barriers impeding their ability to become employed. America seems to be afraid of those in poverty in many cases, or are so in fear of their own wealth that somehow if they try to help these individuals financially in some way, they too will fall into poverty. So I'd say overall wealth is extremely significant to the lives of Americans since it determines who actually survives in our society to an extent. 

My attitude towards wealth and poverty:

One time somebody told me to "live for your work," when I was uncertain about a future career path. I thought this was really bizarre "live for your work," enjoy it I guess is what they meant, and I'm pretty sure I laughed at him. It was the most ridiculous thing I had been told since my dad would always remind me that in the future I would be working to live. I would be working for myself to live and I would be working to make sure my brother could live. I've always been told when my parents kick it, I'm going to be taking care of my mentally ill brother. Right now, it still feels like I have until this school year's end before I really start thinking about wealth and poverty, but right now what I do know is that I'll be working till I'm on my deathbed. Which is okay, because I'd probably get bored if I retired, but realistically I am aware of the cost for medication and living, and I want to have enough money to not only survive but make sure my family is comfortable. I've seen how poverty can hurt people and I don't want my loved ones to suffer. Honestly, I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, I kind of zoned out while writing, so sorry.

Whoa okay.. that's all the questions... sweet. Oh yeah, check out when you Google search American Family, go to images and see how it has related searches and it's like "traditional american family," "american family insurance," and then, "white american family." Like okay, who the heck loves mayonnaise flavored families that much- that's the only category by race that pops up. Like white people must have searched "american family" and then for some reason decided that the few families with people of color were impeding their search so they had to make it more specific?? I just imagine something like, "MY DISGUSTING EYES CANNOT STAND THIS, I NEED PURE WHITE FAMILIES ONLY," being screamed as they bash their fingers into the keyboard to search "white american family" like when the hell are ya gonna need that? Go look at your own family picture or something.    

You Kafka Be Kidding Me....

Sweet skull bug matches my blog..

I hate puns, so I'm just going to leave it to that and get to work with analyzing these translations to the first line of Kafka's Metamorphosis.
Here's a breakdown of my thoughts for each of these translations.

#1: As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.

- This was actually a tiny bit difficult for me to read. I had to read it a couple of times because of the way it was worded and because it was something so bizarre that was stated as a matter of fact. With no punctuation its just a simple statement; you are expected to read straight through, accept what just happened, and then move on to the next sentence.
- "Gigantic insect" was also rather simple imagery. There was nothing that was used to compare the scale of his size to, we are only given the fact he was "gigantic". Although since this adjective was used before "insect" you could argue his size was compared insects in the sense that he is larger than most, however since this transformation occurred in his bed you could interpret that despite the size, it must be one capable of fitting in his bed. Either way, it's vague in my opinion.
- "As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams" could have been it's own sentence if it weren't for the inclusion of "as" which seems to make this an incomplete process, as well as a minor detail to describe when the independent clause, "he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect," occurred. 
- The inclusion of "uneasy dreams" in this at all, instead of just saying "awoke" seems to be an attempt to add to the oddity, however the entire sentence appears to be more bizarre since his dreams were described with oddity or discomfort while his transformation had no such description. As if the dreams were the only significantly odd part out of this entire situation.  


#2: Gregory Samsa woke from uneasy dreams one morning to find himself changed into a giant bug.

- Much like the first translation, it has a matter-of-factness to it. It's a statement with no punctuation to interrupt the flow of reading it. Its all one thought, no time to mentally process it until you've read it all and worded in a way that you are just supposed to accept the event that occurred. 
- The effect of uneasy is the same as before. The words used like "changed" and "giant" feel less formal, more simplified. Despite having similar denotation to "transformed" and "gigantic" the connotation makes it seem like this metamorphosis was less impressive.
- The independent and dependent seemed to have swapped here. "Gregory Samsa woke from uneasy dreams one morning" can serve as a sentence alone, while "to find himself changed into a giant bug" cannot. This also is not showing the development of an event, but instead states that the event occurred. "To find himself changed into a giant bug" is just a bonus to the fact he woke up. Also, having his name first, makes it seem like the introduction of the character held higher importance. 
- Translation #1 used Gregory Samsa waking up in his bed as a way to describe the setting for Samsa discovering his metamorphosis, while here it's even more vague. We aren't given any indication as to where he is, and also have no way to interpret size to some sort of scale. He's just a vaguely giant bug that woke up. Also interestingly enough, they used the name Gregory instead of Gregor. I do not feel that this made a significant impact though, since I almost didn't notice that change. 

#3: When Gregor Samsa awoke from troubled dreams one morning he found he had been transformed in his bed into an enormous bug.

- Okay, so I know my sentences are usually way too long sometimes, but this is kind of getting obnoxious. I feel the need to read this as quick as possible without stopping because of this lack of punctuation. There could be a comma after morning or something just to break it up.
- "Enormous bug" is the significant descriptive detail here. Like #1, they also chose to use "transformed". The use of "enormous", to me, makes the transformation seem a little more impressive than it does when described by "gigantic" or "giant." 
- Like the other two, Gregor waking up was mentioned before the transformation. This translation reminds me the most of #1 structure wise, however, "When Gregor Samsa awoke," is stating this as an event that occurred, not in development like "As Gregor Samsa awoke". Despite having the event of him waking up first, the discovery of his transformation is presented as more significant since "when" serves to present the setting for this event.
- Using "troubled", to me, carries more of a negative connotation than uneasy does. When I see "troubled" I immediately think that there's some sort of distress involved, and much more severely than what I think of when I see "uneasy". 

#4: One morning, upon awakening from agitated dreams, Gregor Samsa found himself, in his bed, transformed into a monstrous vermin.

- Finally, punctuation is being used to break up the event. When reading this there feels like there is more suspense, it's less like a statement of fact, and built up to declaring the transformation to the audience. Rather than just straight up telling it. 
- "Monstrous vermin" is much more descriptive, and holds way more negative connotation. Here the audience can imagine what sort of monstrosity the character warped into, since there's still lack of clarity in what kind of "vermin" he became. It also makes you wonder, who is viewing this transformation so negatively. Is it the author, is it the character himself? It's kind of interesting since in the other translations, what he transformed into wasn't so significant, it was just the fact he was a large insect, there was no insight to help us decide how to feel about that.
-  For the first time, him waking up isn't at the forefront. "One morning, upon awakening," this is presented as any typical morning, him being conscious is now of minimal importance, even though before it was still of minor or major importance. Here it is completely just to create some sort of setting. The rest of the structure, makes all the minor parts broken up with equal importance, to build up to this ultimate event: the transformation into a monstrous vermin. 
-  This translation uses words with way more negative connotation than the other ones. The description of the transformation was rather neutral, just matter of fact, but with "monstrous" "vermin" and "agitated", the audience is presented with the idea that this metamorphosis was negative, that it was bad, not just something that happened. There's more significance in how to feel about the events that led up to this transformation as well as the transformation itself. 

Let's piece this breakdown together now: 

 Each translation has a massive impact on how this experience is conveyed to the audience. The punctuation and syntax is capable of affecting the audience's first impression and immediate understanding of  what this character's experience was. For instance, the translation of #2, made me feel like I was in the place of Gregor first waking up, the waking up part seeming to be separate from the actual discovery of metamorphosis. If I was waking up as a giant insect, I wouldn't have even acknowledged it until I was totally awake, like how #2 broke up Gregor waking up and then "to find himself a giant insect". Wake up, "oh whoa I'm a bug". It's a matter of fact statement, that doesn't impose any positive or negative connotation onto the reader, and the experience of waking up and the experience of discovering the metamorphosis are separated.
 Imagery had a huge impact on the perception of the event, making it less vague and helping to describe the situation through the senses. Translation #1 did the best at this, in my opinion, as it described when, gave insight into what the dreams were like, where this was occurring, and just what Samsa had turned into. Even though the other's did a good job with this, #1 did such without pushing some sort of emotion onto the audience by using words with neutral connotation. It evoked perception without making this situation appear to be a terrible predicament.
 Structure also had impact on what could be seen as most important to lesser importance, which can have an impact likewise to syntax with leaving an intentional, or unintentional impression on the audience. Even minor details with using words with connotation that isn't neutral have this impact, which is why I think it's important for the translators to have some sort of an idea of what the author originally intended. If the author originally presented this experience indifferently in the original text, it is crucial for the translator to try to follow by that. Translation #4 is a major example of how the overall intended impression of the text can be changed drastically just through details and the way it's structurally set up. If the author originally intended for the metamorphosis to be viewed by the audience as a negative experience, then it is suiting, but if the author originally wrote it like how it is written in the other translations, with indifference so that the audience is allowed to perceive it as they will, then that was truly lost in translation.

Freebie #2

We had one per semester right? Well I'm calling it in- this weekend has been hectic

Insert cool sounding title about Double Indemnity here

Alright, so while watching this movie I decided to try and answer question number 3, reflecting on this quote that it is "a film without a single trace of pity or love," to see if I actually agreed with this statement.
Looking at the motivations lying  behind both Walter Neff and Phyllis Dietrichson I honestly believe that quote is one hundred percent accurate. This, typically dark, Film Noir had absolutely no trace of pity or love.

Sorry but neither of these gazes are loving. Look at him, his face is screaming, "I'd bang her". And she's just like "yeah, that's right, I own you- hold my foot," or something.

 Phyllis wanted money. It's as simple as that. When her step-daughter told Walter about how she believed this young lady had killed her mother, there was no other way to put it. It was clear as day even before that. She wanted money and her husband wasn't going to give it to her, or at least wasn't going to give her enough for her likes. This woman is stone cold, and if there was anything truly between Walter and her aside from her feeling that she had enough sexual power over him to manipulate him to her whim it was probably a second hand thought such as, "he's more handsome than the old fart I'm with, so I'd make out with him (awkwardly might I add) to seal the deal." It was some sort of win win for her probably.

With Walter things are different in the sense that I could see people trying to argue he truly had feelings for Phyllis, however they are wrong. An idea society tries to uphold is that romantic attraction and sexual attraction are the same thing. You can love the person and you can love their body, but in the cases of "love at first sight" it's totally their body. Don't try to argue with me, if you are a sexual person you've probably seen somebody and thought, "10/10 would do," Awesome, you think they are either aesthetically pleasing or they are sexually appealing, but you don't know them. That's not the same kind of love. You love that bod. That was Walter. Throughout this whole movie. He saw this chick, pretending to be vulnerable, flirting with him, using her assets to get what she wanted, and he definitely felt something. Enough for her to consume his thoughts, as he said at one point. Let's be honest here, constantly thinking about how attractive a woman is that you just met and had a brief interaction with doesn't sound like a dreamy crush, that sounds like fantasizing. Walter had a creepy thing for this chick, and she knew it. So she gave him a reason to help her. By talking about how hard she has it with this money-wrinkle-bag husband of hers she gave Walter a reason to pity her so that he would be inclined to help. Except, he didn't pity her. He saw that as a reason good enough to justify his actions morally, he was probably thinking "oh she has it so rough maybe it wouldn't be terrible to kill him and take his money".

Let's look at the big picture: Kill man = Get money + Get babe. So, yes, this weakling of a human being looked to feel powerful, get the girl, get money, and in some warped way prove to himself how well he knows his job or how cunning he is. However, no, he did not do it out of love or pity. Phyllis's complaints, claims of love, and amazing job of peppering this man with affection was all the validation Walter needed to go through with it.

Let's cut him some slack though...

Barbara Stanwyck was A++++

Life is but a Netflix queue created by an idiot.. And that idiot would be me.

Do you ever start a thing out as a joke and just become too emotionally attached to change it that much? That's how I'm feeling about this blog post. I'm so sorry.

Get ready for the most dynamite queue for the 3 witches, and, yes, they are all movies about witches. I decided I'm going to actually try to present these seriously, wish me luck.

I like to imagine their beards looked like her hair but like.. on their chin

1. Hocus Pocus:
They said an altered version to that one line "double double toil and trouble" in this movie, I think. I never actually watched the movie. But in all the ABC family commercials during October they show this scene. I bet the witches sit back on the couch watching this like:
Unison: "yeah,"
Witch 1: "we made it fam,"
Witch 2: "we famous,"
Witch 3: "we said something like that."


Anyways, these witches are all sisters in this movie, and there is three of them. Three, the power number, the number of the Weird Sisters. These women possess supernatural powers strong enough to continue messing with people even after they had died during the Salem witch trials. It seems like they have more of an influence on the fate of everyone in the town, than the townspeople think they have. Apparently it's a good movie and these ladies know how to party. I bet Macbeth's witches do too.

2.The Witches:

Reminder: this was a kid's movie.

Once again it's about witches and supernatural forces. The lady in the caption, the Grand High Witch spent the whole movie she was using her abilities to harass children, turn one into a mouse, and try to kill them. I feel like this is perhaps a hobby the three witches have themselves. Also, the most important part, she has a beard, small, but it's there and you can see it. In this occurrence, the witches may enjoy to watch this movie, to laugh about how much of a failure this witch was for a Grand High Witch. She didn't even succeed in using her supernatural power to doom a child's fate in a long term way. That's some weak witching, lady.

In case you couldn't see that..... Also in case you wanted a close up on this image of beauty.

I also feel like the three witches would really relate to her, you know? Bearded witches aren't given enough representation in the media. It's ridiculous. These days they all look like this:

Does she count as a witch? Also I wonder if these two use the same color lipstick.. It looks pretty similar...

3. Sleeping Beauty :

The entire premise for this story was that this ol' witch/supernatural being Maleficent set a curse upon a baby, and no matter what they did to try to prevent it from occurring it was futile because it was her fate. This curse was unavoidable, however, destined to eventually be escaped, since it was cast with a loophole, a true love's kiss. 

But honestly she just wanted to be included. If she just got the invite to go party it up your baby wouldn't have been cursed.

  The movie's plot was really all about fate and destiny actually unraveling due to the supernatural's influence. Also, I feel like the 3 witches would probably enjoy themselves doing this. Just find some babies, set some curses upon them with some extremely unlikely (but not necessarily impossible) way to break the curse, then sit back and watch what unfolds. This movie would save them the effort having to do it once, they could just watch Maleficent do it instead. 

4 & 5. Twitches and Twitches Too :

They are witches.. Twin witches.. They were separated at birth and destined to meet again when they were 21 years old. I still can't get over the fact that these were actual movies. Anyways, with their magic they were destined with the responsibility to fight off some kind of dark supernatural forces in order to save the world from chaos or something. They also had some other supernatural beings that were their allies or something that used their magic in order to fulfill their destiny of meeting again (this plot man... too wild). So the entire movies are about both good and bad supernatural forces setting up these girls' to fulfill a prophecy. A few times throughout the movie the two tried to dodge their way out of their responsibilities, thinking they would be able to avoid their destiny, but in the end they had to encounter the super natural.

Also, they obviously relate to the witches because there are two of them. Although there is one more witch in Macbeth, if you count both of them from both movies, there's four, and if you subtract one from four, you get three. See? It makes perfect sense when you don't think about it. 

Spoiler: apparently they were princess twitches witches

Duuuuude they have the power to shoot glitter from their fingers?? Okay I actually have to watch this now. I only know as much as I did because the sister to this boy I used to babysit would watch it all the time. Every time I was babysitting her brother she at some point was on disney channel watching this.  

Are they talking to the mist? Also look at the cool green screen ground... It's convincing. 

I'm ready for my A++++.